Three signs that you’re in the APOCALYPSE!

Everyone seems to be screaming about the end of the world. It’s all over the news, both newspaper and TV, and scrawled along the poetic rhyme schemes written on the bathroom stalls:

I once sat on bowl of white

Passing time on my iPhone, right?

Then with a sudden clash and thunder

I found myself dead and unable to pass my plunder

And yet you can still go to the local 7-Eleven and get a drink or head to the movies and walk out disappointed in yet another Adam Sandler feature, and go home to sleep. We are told the world is going to go and yet nothing happens, so how will you know if you’re in the apocalypse?

1. Abandoned Baby Carriages

If there is one sure fire way to know the shit has hit the fan it’s finding abandoned baby carriages. Why are they always laying over with one wheel spinning? Because Mom saw a fireball and may or may not have grabbed little Johnny, but no matter what, she will have shoved that hunk of protective and useful metal over as she made her escape.

If you find such an object out in the wild, grab a gun, and fear the worst, as an apocalyptic hell has just been unleashed!

death buggy- Photo credit LA Weekly
Beware the embroidered buggy of DOOM!

Photo credit: LA Weekly

2. Roving Gangs of Children

Seeing these pint sized warriors of the future is yet another fact that will tell you that you are in the death throws of our world. They will be using gardening tools as weapons, garbage cans as armor, and look adorable as they skin you alive and eat you. Some may have even setup lines of commerce in the forms of lemonade stands, and only take the new form of currency… HUMAN TEETH!

Children can be so cruel...that was Aunt Judy!
Children can be so cruel…that was Aunt Judy!

Photo credit:

3. Immediate Fashion Changes

You know that cardigan or blouse you love? Yeah, they’re great, but when you start to notice Phil, the retired Cop, next door is rocking S&M leather undies with a hockey mask and he isn’t alone, you can sure as hell bet that the world has shit itself!

People will abandon the ‘normal’ fashion you know and hold dear in order to wear what they want; and they will not care how much muffin top is showing! They will rock those velour sweatpants with their new-tribes name written on it. They will wear the cat shirts of hate and the Crocs of misery! They will spread this fashion across the world like a plague of locus!

Nice mower, Phil! Just please don’t cut your grass or me after 10 pm.

Photo credit:

Take everything you read with a grain of salt. As much as everyone loves to predict or say the world is ending, until that moment arrives, or you find anything listed above happening, then it isn’t! And all your worrying and bitching and moaning will mean absolutely nothing and even IF you are right, what good will it do? Oh, yay! You predicted the end of the world correctly! You win an instant death or a lifetime of misery, but hey, wasn’t it worth all that time you could have been happy or trying to help others improve their lives?

I mean, you deserve this, you’ve won! YAY!

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Nick enjoys making things and drinking coffee, specifically the latter, for without it the former wouldn’t get done. He also wrote a book titled “Where Monsters Lie & Other Tales”