How to ellipses

In our modern day world, we use typing and writing now more than ever in our daily lives. The average person texts more than 3 billion texts a week, I know this as a fact because I made this figure up, but it doesn’t lessen the fact that writing is very important.

Now, clearly showing the facts that writing is important, I have a bone to pick with a lot of you. You see, you think you know everything, you know the stock market will yo-yo and yet you are surprised when it dips? You know every single time we have a presidential election the people running in it are going to say, do, and say some more, the shit you want to hear; and yet you get up in arms about who it is you aren’t head over heels in love with during this rinse, lather, and repeat process.

What you do not know is that when you improperly use an ellipses when you text me, I get just that much closer to sending your ass off to Krampus for Christmas!

Ellipses is a form of punctuation and it is used for a number of formats:

AP Style- To show a quote continues either before or after the mentioned portion.

Fiction- To show a pause in conversation, unease in the person talking.

Anime- When the translation cannot translate the Japanese word for Gasp or Surprise.

Video games- Because the writer couldn’t think of a good one-liner to put in that scene where your best friend turns out to be your mother who was murdered fifteen years ago.

Now, in texting land the rule for ellipses has changed since the introduction of texting itself. When you use an ellipses today, you mean the following:

I’m apprehensive

Example:

“Hey, you coming to my mother’s?”

“Sure…”

I’m angry

Example:

“Sorry I missed fixing your dog.”

“It’s fine…”

I’m secretly trying to destroy the world

Example:

“Hey, they have a discount on Self-Drilling Nuclear Technology. You want one?”

“Okay…”

When I text you, “Hey, we’re going to be at your house in 15 mins.” and I get back, “Okay…” my spine stiffens and my brain runs through a million scenarios that begin with “Maybe that just means ‘Okay'” to “Ah shit, their going to murder me when I get there because I forgot their birthday and texted them a hour later than when they were actually born!”

Just stop. You want to respond to a message, try just saying your word and using a period at the end of the sentence. Using more than one period does not indicate excitement over the ending of a statement, it means utter doom!

Thanks for reading…

Monday Webcomic Day- Robot Thoughts

Robot Thoughts is a twitter handle (@R_RobotHere) that I started about a robot head named R_Robot sailing on a boat, and having some deep robot thoughts and or odd conversations. I haven’t used the handle in a while, but I am going to be using it for the purpose of posting these comics that I am drawing on my lunch breaks at work.

Here are the first two comics:

Robot comic 1 Robot comic 2

 

The last comic here is based off a day when I was really depressed. I even wrote a tweet that inspired me to write the comic and it made me chuckle afterword. You can blame this comic for Robot Thoughts coming back into existence.

Here’s the tweet:

 

Depression comic

I found after I had drawn out the comic, and used the awesome coffee stain that was not intentional, I felt better. It’s odd, I know, but I am a rather odd guy in general. I am going to improve my penmanship and continue with these comics, so get ready for R_Robot, as it’s not going anywhere.

Consumer Retorts- Dick Tracy’s Watch

Consumer-Retorts--Dick-Trac

Product: Dick Tracy’s Radio Watch

Manufacturer: I dunno, Casio? It just says radio on the face, so, let’s go with Patek Philippe, because I’ve always wanted to wear one.

This watch hails back from the analog days when tubes infested machines and before cigarettes were plugged by the Flintstones. It is a piece of retro-future that is being mimicked today from one of the most glossy and overpriced companies in America.

Apple Watch
Because paying $400 so my watch looks like it has the Partridge Family grade herpes is just great!

Why overpay for this knock-off from China when you can get a great piece of communication that fits on your wrist made in the good-ol US of A, by way of Switzerland or Japan? The Casio Philippe one-off on my wrist is a style that is classic and yet futuristic at the same time. It’s face is simple and elegant, while the soft yellow glow of what could possibly be radio active inserts allows my eyes to see what time it is day or night… or if I am even asleep.

Watch
I haven’t slept in two days. I just see clocks now… I see time itself.

The large speaker atop is a mesh of steel and simple fibers; and just to answer the question that you didn’t ask, no, it does not get AM radio. It’s a communication device, allowing my voice to travel to a central location in order to find out information. I know there is only one of these things in existence, so I tried to call whomever might be on the other end.

I got the police, who were wondering why I had a piece of their tech. They proceeded to ask me questions like, “What’s my badge number?” and told me to not move, so naturally I ran away; though I will say the dispatchers voice was crystal clear!

The watch got a lot of attention at the local coffee shop, where a small child asked me why I bolted a cheese grader to a clock? Another patron also took notice, it was an off duty police officer, and shortly afterword I found myself in the back of the police car.

Conclusion

Casio Philippe could make a killing with this analog smart watch. Imagine being able to call your chemical supply guy so you can five gallons of lye you need without worrying about the heavy breathing of a cop on the other end party line? Or calling your wife to pick up cookies without worrying about the heavy breathing of a cop on the other end of the party line? Privacy is at a premium these days and people will pay almost anything to make sure their communications are not being observed.

I implore Casio Philippe to make this watch pronto! Imagine being able to use a device without having to worry about Google running ad-words to see what color bra you love? This watch is the future of yesterday that we need now, because it is simple, it works, and it won’t force upgrade you in five years to an inferior model.

And we all know, that new model is going to suck.
And we all know, that new model is going to suck.

Photo credits: therpf.com, amazon.com, youtube.com